always let your friends cut your hair.

After a day of music and roast dinner (consisting of  11 different foods) we got a bit drunk of prosecco and rum and my friends donned aprons and collectively cut my hair. It turned out pretty good.

real life.

So far this blog has only been my writings and I have decided to expand to more stuffs about what I do other than write. I am part of this theatre company PanicLab and we make queer dance mostly. My very good friend Natalie has just joined us as a performer which is splendid. We are working on a show called Perverts! which is about sexual shame and celebrating perversion. Since starting the Perverts! process, I think alot about how much my views on what is sexually acceptable are influenced by what I think I ought to think, instead of what I acctually like. To be honest, I think people can do what they want and should. Repression is far more dangerous than offending people.

under the bandages.

They are under the bandages. There has been resistance and I have been confused but some of the time they live under there. I do not have to worry any more about those women in those rooms looking at those doors.

lovely to be caught in the rain.

I let all the day fill up my head like a dripping tap, or like the rain on the sash windows or the sounds of piano from the living room. Like when you drink whiskey before lunch and feel hazy and detached for the rest of the afternoon. I imagine myself being so may things here and I have only just begun. This is already more than a weekend in the city.

like ankles in winter.

I will try to be interested, interesting.
I will write one more page.
Out beyond rooms, closed doors, handles are itching
Like ankles in winter.

stairs.

She fell down the stairs and told the whole room that they were all in love with something. While she struggled to her feet there was a silent looking and wondering and we all felt our heads and fall down again with her.

fever.

Scrabble every day, more than once, sometimes I win, sometimes I don’t try at all. Itchy legs and ankles. If I sit down for too long then my hips hurt. I don’t really know what I’m doing. I drink a lot of tea. We cuddle up and watch trash to pass the time.

how it is.

She broke your body with a smile
She said her eyes were wide
You sent out long and she returned a short reply

stomach heart.

I have a stomach heart
deep for a time or overnight
an early wake up call
to heavy breath.

I do not have a chest one
or I cannot feel it
mostly not or only in
a rush of pace.

I push my little heart
to find a beat
beneath me.

I have a stomach heart
and stopped it I
have not.

hell.

I think that hell would be like a Bikram Yoga class. There would be lots of us, too many for the size of the room, and the room would be full of very fat, very hairy, very sweaty men. I would perspire excessively and the instructor would be relentless. I would underachieve. Bad times.